How can someone stay in bed, stay inside when the sky is blue and the temerature a healthy mid-twenties? I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and to finally go out and do something, take advantage of my second summer. Recently, I have been a little homebound, writing furiously with pen-and-paper, researching Canadian laws, and eating ice cream. I think I got a shot of endorphines from yesterday's riding lesson, so I decided to take to the streets today.
I meandered to Belgrano to buy some shampoo and to walk around a little bit. It was nice to feel the sun on my skin, the breeze through my hair. But, I still couldn't keep my head, my mind from whirring. There seems to be a constant sound in my head, like that of a computer buzzing, trying to process too many things at one time. The reasons: existential, quater-life crisis, wondering about whether the past was a waste, the present is worth it, or if the future will be kind.
I started experiencing a slight feeling of anxiousness. I have not been this volatile since high school, unsureness just scaring the shit out of me. Consistency is something humans strive for, whether it is to be constantly happy, sad, neurotic... And, so it goes. We also always desire to change the way we are feeling. We always think happiness is just on the other side, but when you get there, you realize that it's the same everywhere. I think the reason is because people are always looking for external justifications to be happy. We want our parents to be proud of us, we want others to appreciate whatever we have created, and we need others to tell us they love us, even if we already know it. The reason people never find happiness in different places is because true happiness radiates from within. Once someone discovers what it is like to be happy with oneself, then no matter where you go, happiness will follow.
Am I having a great time in Buenos Aires? Hell, yes. The weather is sublime, although the days are getting shorter. Would I do this all over again knowing the outcome of my actions? Truthfully, yes. Because we all need time to get comfortable with ourselves. Once we feel a little more peace and a little more happiness in our own skin, we can begin to honestly share it with others.
So, as a footnote, as of next week I will be starting personal reflections on another blog I have created. I will post the link later, but The Informal Press is going to start getting a little more serious. Briz Wevera's eco-socio-political writings will be posted on this blogspot, sharing information with all, uniting students, workers, even businessmen in a fight against the man.
viva la vida! ... no reference to Coldplay intended.