Wednesday, December 9, 2009

The voice within

I always had a bit of a sore spot for my post-secondary education. It took five years, not four, to obtain a Bachelor of Arts. I thought all it got me was a low self-esteem and indoctrination into the workforce so that I could pay back an astronomical accumulation of debt. However, thinking back to my days of intellectual prowress, I did learn a thing or two: Karl Marx is one that sticks out in my mind. Weird.

He was a true inspiration when I was feverishly studying texts or fequently analyzing life. The most prfound thing I ever learned from him was about alienation. People who enter the machine, who become just another cog in the wheel, feel alienated from their jobs, their creativity, and most importantly, their selves. He taught me to do what I want to do because it will make me happy. Before now, it was working as a server to save up some extra travel cash (tax-free, under the table stuff). Now that I am here, I have dabbled a bit into writing (thus, also learning how to live sin trabajo). Being here (without a job) has allowed me to explore the city, to do with my day whatever I want, and that is how today happened. As I said earlier, I was on a mission to explore some equestrian centres. Great success: I found two.

These hipicos are minutes away by colectivo, which picks me up right outside our front door. I arrived at the corner of Dorrego and Lugones with the sweet smell of hay, manure piles and sweaty beasts. It was so nostalgic. I visited the first, El Hipico de Buenos Aires. Pleasant staff, beautiful horses, a bar... The second was the one was just up the street, El Centro Aleman de Equitacion. I talked with the staff, equally pleasant, and noticed that the centre was holding a competition. It was an equitation class. The judges look for posture and seat of the rider. For the horse, they look at movement and temperament. I moved closer.

Standing there, sun shining in my eyes, snorts, snuffles, whinnies and neighs transported me back. Why couldn't I just do this? Why did I need school? I missed out on 6 years, I could have become something. Tears welled up. I started heading home, continuously asking, why, why, why.

I looked up, saw the grandiose architecture, the sun, the warmth, this new place and I said to myself, so you could get here. A city in love with horses. Me, too.

Now is the time to do what I want to do and succeed at it. Nothing can stand in the way of my will.


  1. I say get over yourself, or I'll slap you silly. If I remember your riding especially the latter half it was days of complaining, never being a working student again, it was too cold, you were tired, frustrated and your horse died. You were encouraged to go to university, not to be part of the mass, but to learn, use that marvellous mind in ways that you make you happy. Being the person you are, you are easily influenced by outsiders.Only with experience & education are you going to be happy doing what you're passionate about. Your parents do know a thing or 2 about "jobs"

  2. and life...Even if you don't credit us, shows me your not listening. I know its because we're your parents you ignore us. We're very proud of the fact that you went to university, not for a "job" or money, but so that you would learn what we've been telling you all along. You're the one that bought into "working for the man". Only now do you start to comprehend, that life is a journey leading somewhere, and it's up to you where, and your responsible for your own happiness. The fun part about being an adult.

  3. I understand the feeling, when you look back and see missed opportunities, for me it was always a lack of initiative. I have no one to blame but myself for that. Arts degrees do nothing for the job front, but they do open a whole different world, it allowed me to see how bad it was when I "tried" for a second degree. I love knowledge, and University opens that door, would you have met the ideas of Karl Marx any other way?

    Now I work so I can do the things I enjoy, I still can't truly afford it but I don't look at it too closely. University allowed me to grow up so to speak. It showed me what I lacked, it made me realise what was important. Would I have been just as happy at a college, probably but that's not something I choose to think about. I am one of those people that need to be pushed to be the best that I am and to use the vast brain I have been given.

    I think mostly I wanted to provide this just because it saddens me that to you spending those years seemed to be a waste of your time, though it has changed you as well, it has made you grow into this intelligent young woman that you are. It gave you the tools to reason and make your case. That's what I see when I look at you.

  4. Oh my fretful family, that was the underlying message of the post. I would never be where I am now if I hadn't gone to school. I would not have been inspired by political thought, mostly Marx, I would not have been inspired to travel, I would not have had the opportunity I have now. Between the lines, no. I would have become an ignorant, self-centred snob riding with horsie people, who are weird. I don't regret school, I used to feel sorry for myself because I was afraid to fight the system, I was afraid what people would say. That was then, I am now.

    @ mom (Jean): don't see how I sold out to the man. Maybe you could clarify.